how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
