I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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