I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize