Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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