Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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