i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
