I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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