Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize