i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
