Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
