Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
