its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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