Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize