Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
