So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
