I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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