You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
