He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
FUCK WHALES
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
