need another drink. this is the easiest way
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
