I think I have vodka in my lungs
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
