worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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