he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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