I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
