I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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