then he tried to convert me to islam
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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