nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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