how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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