I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
