my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
