well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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