its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
MIDGETS
????
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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