I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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