You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
