Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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