Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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