why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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