i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize