just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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