Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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