I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
