dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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