whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
