Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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