just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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