So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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