I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
