now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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