I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
