I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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