no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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