guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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