my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
