Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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