Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
