so that wasnt chicken after all
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
