when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
