i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
