So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
