a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
