Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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