batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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