dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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