3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
