i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
