Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
