I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
