forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
