So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
