I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
