At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
