I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
