6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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