non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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