At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
