i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
