I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
