he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
